Relationships are difficult. Given that, it’s understandable that a growing number of Americans are single and loving it. After all, why would you want to get into a loving, committed relationship when you can just sit at a bar making the worst small talk of your life with someone you just met on Tinder? Who knows — maybe she won’t even ghost you!
Seeing the modern dating economy, older generations who grew up being told about the ‘importance of starting a family’ are losing their minds. For men, the more traditionally-minded parents are convinced that these young lads would be happier settling down than trying to become a modern-day Caligula. For women, some traditional parents (and internet losers) are concerned that the more that a woman ages without finding a partner, the less ‘desirable’ she will be in the long-term.
These fake problems breed strange solutions. For example, asking your daughter to marry a pot.
Before you ask, no, this is not a metaphor for something. This is a literal pot, and Reddit user Ok-Beautiful4466 isn’t too thrilled about it.
“This is just absurd and discussions about this everyday in the house is just mentally disturbing,” she writes in the post. You don’t say!
Unbelievably, Ok-Beautiful4466 is not the first person to feel compelled to marry a pot. In 2015, VICE writer Yashica Dutt recounted her experience of marrying a pot, which she says she did in response to her parents’ superstition and belief in Hinduism.
“Kumbh Vivaha or 'pot-marriage' is a commonly practiced Hindu astrological precaution in India. Men and women born under the slight or complete influence of the planet Mars—known as Mangliks, or 'Mars-cursed'—are said to be astrologically destined to wreck their marriages,” explains Dutt. “The only preventative measure is to marry a pot prior to your marriage to an actual human. Or a tree. Sometimes even a dog. No --- is involved, if you were curious.”
Naturally, few Reddit users took Ok-Beautiful4466’s problem seriously. Instead, they offered clever and complex ways to troll OP’s parents. “Agree to it, but on the condition that they pay for your honeymoon with the pot, to some international destination,” suggested a commenter. “Tell your parents that you're high maintenance and will only marry a modular kitchen,” joked another.
Others eventually gave real advice, citing their own experience.
“Tell them if you have to marry a pot, they’re gonna need to pay for professional photographs that will then be shown to all the guests at the actual wedding,” detailed a Redditor. “Also threaten to post everything on social media as a joke…Basically, whatever they want you to do, you take it a step ahead and make a spectacular joke.”
According to the Redditor, this method actually worked. “My cousin did this when they tried to force her to marry a banana tree- her parents did not want to turn into the community joke so they didn’t make her [go] through with it.”
Ok-Beautiful4466 didn’t post a picture of the actual pot in question, so it’s unknown if the Redditors would change their tune if it was, like, a really ---- pot. Hopefully, Ok-Beautiful4466 won’t be forced into a cookware marriage anytime soon — but if she is, at least she’s got a lifetime of easy jokes ahead of her. For example, “Do you like the food? My husband made it!” Ha. Ha ha.
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